Previously, we wrote about how resolving conflict often has the side benefit of building a cooperative bond — even loyalty — between the factions. As each side gains a deeper understanding of the others’ viewpoints, respect builds and morale improves. Cooperative, low stress interactions, create a fertile environment for productive brainstorming, ultimately boosting the health of your organization.

Being respectful to others, being open to hearing their perspective, and taking the time to understand their objective are very important, but you’ll need more knowledge in your toolkit to dispel conflict when the conflict gets tough. So, let’s dig deeper today.

How can you demonstrate that you are being respectful and open and trying to understand the other’s perspective?

Here are the top 5 proven techniques you can add to your toolkit:

1. Ask questions about the other person’s recommendations or point of view in a sincere, non-judgmental manner. Drill down to make sure you totally understand all of their objectives, concerns, and potential obstacles that you may both face.
2. Replay or paraphrase their points back to show your understanding, and ask for confirmation that you “got it.”
3. Make sure your body language is open and consistent with your words. If they’re not, people instinctively believe your non-verbal message over the spoken word.
4. Even if you don’t agree, be sure to acknowledge that you hear and understand the other person’s points.
5. It wouldn’t hurt (and yes, it could really help) to verbalize some of your “opponents” points that you think are good, smart and, or useful. A sincere compliment, or statement of approval and recognition will go a long way towards resolving conflict.

In Part 3 of this series, we’ll examine the five conflict styles that help people understand their own responses as well as diffuse conflict with others. Specifically, we’ll look at the five conflict styles that Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann identified and can be assessed in the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), a globally accepted, widely used diagnostic assessment for resolving conflict.

Understanding the subtleties of conflict and personality styles goes a long way towards elevating an organization’s harmony and effectiveness. At Merit, we frequently facilitate multiple Conflict Management training sessions for our clients where we adjust the level of detail to group (i.e., customer service reps, new managers, and the senior team.) For more information, please contact Jim Wynne at jwynne@meritcd.com or call 610-225-0449.

Listening includes a lot more than just hearing words. Frequently, we need to interpret or infer a deeper or underlying message beyond the spoken word. We deploy many of our senses to detect non-verbal cues and assimilate our life experiences with the verbal message when we actively listen.

Usually, the objective of a conversation is to expand the listener’s knowledge, perspective or sensitivity to a topic that impacts behavior or beliefs. In the workplace, managing projects can implode due to poor communications. These can result in missing a critical deadline, budget overages, decreased sales, and in some cases, costly lawsuits.

The most effective communication takes place when both parties are actively listening. So what is “active listening” and how do we do this?

Your active listening is apparent to the other party through your audible or visible signals. This can include something as subtle as raising our eyebrows, leaning towards the speaker, or using certain gestures (like a thumbs up, high five, etc.) Tilting our heads when we listen, on the same angle as the speaker, generally reflects a subconscious agreement Uttering sounds like “uh huh” or “hmm” also tell the speaker that you’re paying attention. In America, making eye contact is considered a must in showing that you are listening, although this does vary in some cultures.

Of course asking good questions is one of the best ways to demonstrate that you are listening.
If you don’t have any questions (perhaps, because the message is crystal clear to you) then paraphrase the speaker’s message. You can preface your restated summary by saying something like: “Ok, now, if I understand what you’re telling me, you’d like to … (paraphrased summary of speaker’s objective).”

It is important to be authentic, too! In your effort to make it evident that you genuinely hear the speaker’s message, do not diminish your own persona or credibility. Be sure to phrase your introduction to your rephrased statement in a style that is consistent with the way you speak.

Why not find out if you’re as good a listener as you think you are? If you haven’t taken this insightful (and free) listening assessment yet, you can right now – or later when you have about 45 minutes and no distractions. When you’re ready, take the Active Listening Assessment here. Upon completion, you will receive an explanatory report along with tips and techniques that you can use to become a better active listener and communicator.

If you or your staff would benefit from mastering effective communications, improving active listening and learning “meaning-centered communication”, we can help. Please contact Jim Wynne at jwynne@meritcd.com or call him at 610-225-0449.


NOTE: PMPs^®: This assessment qualifies for one PDU^® and you will receive a certificate.

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PMP and PDU are registered trademarks of the Project Management Institute, Inc.

The concept of emotional intelligence, EQ, has been studied for over 30 years. Research shows that high EQ predicts success beyond an individual’s knowledge, skills and abilities. Emotionally intelligent leaders have significantly greater annual profit growth, increased customer satisfaction, and higher personnel retention. In management, the more senior the leader, the more the EQ matters. In sales and customer service capacities, the higher EQs correlate directly to success.

Studies show that lack of EQ may limit a person’s ability to achieve results. Lower EQ scores correlate with lower merit pay increases, lower job satisfaction and more burnout. Managers’ and supervisors’ EQ scores correlate with their performance ratings.

The definition of emotional intelligence has been the subject of ongoing debates; however, researchers all agree that it consists of two principal components. The first component; intrapersonal skills or self-awareness, is the ability to recognize one’s emotions as they occur, helping one gain self-control in potentially emotionally charged situations.

The second component, interpersonal skills or social awareness, is the ability to recognize others’ emotions. The ability to express empathy enables one to have more positive relationships and minimize unproductive conflict. EQ helps put people at ease, build and mend relationships, confront problem employees, and manage change.

It is important to note that emotional intelligence can be learned. Understanding and incorporating specific EQ skills, techniques, and behaviors can help improve both the intrapersonal and interpersonal skill sets. An intra-personal skill, self-monitoring, can help one can limit or minimize emotional hijacking. Let‘s look at this closer…

We all have specific words or phrases that are steeped in emotion. During the 1960s and 70s, the term “nuclear power” raised a great deal of emotion—both positive and negative. Similarly today we have emotionally charged words or phrases such as “gun control”, terrorism, and consumer privacy. It is important to recognize one’s own emotionally charged phrases and stop the emotional hijacking that is about to take place.

By recognizing our emotional responses when we hear a cue by self-monitoring, we can prevent emotional hijacking before it takes place. Stopping to recognize the emotional trigger is an important first step. Taking a deep breath, and/or silently counting to 10 can help us regain composure and react in a rational manner.

As for interpersonal skills, empathy helps us develop more positive relationships with others at work. Increasing our display of empathy enables us to connect with another person on an emotional level, thus allowing us to develop a meaningful, trusting relationship.

The question remains, however, how much emotional intelligence do you have—what is your baseline? Do you have an EQ deficiency, or are you well above average? There is only one way to know your EQ baseline and that is to take an assessment. Many exist on the Internet, some free others fee-based, however they may not stand up to statistical reliability and validity standards.

Would you like some guidance to improve your staff’s EQ? Merit offers half-day and full day workshops that help participants understand, identify their baseline, and strengthen their emotional intelligence. With exercises and interactive assessment tools, this workshop is engaging and life changing. For more information, please contact Jim Wynne at jwynne@meritcd.com or call him at 610-225-0449.

Within every organization, employees range in personality types from professionally outgoing to socially reserved. Managing a mix of extraverts and introverts can be a challenge, but encouraging each personality type’s strengths and encouraging both groups to understand these dynamics is key.

Extraverts

By nature, extraverts are energized by being around others and that enthusiasm translates as an outgoing personality. Roughly 75 percent of the US population is extraverted.

Common extravert traits:

• Directed outward toward people and things
• Relaxed and confident
• Gregarious, want to be with others
• "What you see is what you get"
• Process outward: Speaks to think ("shoots from the hip")
• Seek variety and action
• Often act quickly, sometimes without thinking

Introverts

On the other hand, although introverts can interact with people skillfully, over time their energy will deplete faster than an extravert. They then need "down time" to "recharge their batteries."

Common introvert traits

• Directed inward toward concepts and ideas
• Reserved and questioning
• Seek quiet for concentration
• Need time alone to recharge and think
• Have valuable contributions, but may hesitate to speak
• Process inward: Thinks to speak
• Likes to think a lot before acting, sometimes without acting!

Understanding different perspectives is critical to effective team building

Extraverts often see themselves as actionable people who work successfully with others but they can be quick to implement tactics that are untested or poorly thought out. Introverted employees often view their extraverted counterparts as noisy and impulsive, actively working to solve a problem, but making many mistakes along the way.

Introverts often perceive their thought processes as more complex, and they often think deeply before sharing their thoughts. More outgoing employees might think their quiet coworkers aren’t spontaneous enough or are slow to respond, leaving them hard to integrate into solution-oriented discussions and team projects.

Because each personality type has a different perspective of the environment, managers should approach meetings with each in separate manners to promote success. Catering to both introvert and extravert tendencies serves to facilitate teamwork, creating better-prepared employees, communications and outcomes.

So how do you manage these two different types of personalities?

Extraverts: Let 'em talk

When meeting with extraverts, managers should allow time for discussion without the necessity of reaching conclusions. Extraverts learn and retain information better when there are active conversations. They tend to "think out loud."

During a team meeting, managers should greet everyone as he or she comes into the room and conduct introductions. Because extraverts typically think faster - although not thoroughly -and tend to have shorter attention spans, it's useful to break up presentations with questions and answer or discussion periods and other exercises. After it's over, leaders should allow time for feedback and conversations with presenters to encourage input.

Additionally, putting extraverts into groups and planning active outings can facilitate their professional development.

Introverts: Let 'em think

Contrary to extraversion, managers should allow introverted employees more time before expecting an answer. Because introverts spend more time reflecting before responding, team leaders may want to hold back before asking for possible solutions. Instead of forcing introverts into groups, leaders could sit one-on-one with them.

To ensure that the opinions of introverts are captured during meetings, managers should provide all participants with an agenda and conduct polls before the meeting, especially regarding important matters. Anyone who hasn't responded in discussions can be prompted for input with lead time to encourage eventual participation. Once the meeting has ended, leaders can summarize the next steps and distribute the materials via email.

A useful tip: Always call on introverts last when soliciting comments during or after a meeting. This gives them additional time to consider other participants' responses and formulate their own with more confidence.

Finally, it's important for managers to realize that people who are outgoing aren't always extraverts, and shyness doesn't necessarily indicate introversion. Most people display a range of these characteristics, although they lean toward one type or the other. The optimal brainstorming teams are comprised of people with diverse skills and perspectives.

It's up to managers to engage each type of team member, regardless of personality, to ensure their optimal contributions are realized.

For more information about how Merit Career Development can help with your teams, please contact us.